Thursday, September 17, 2009

Spider Woman

This is supposed to be my happy, cancer-free blog, but it's not. This is me trying not to panic anyone, because I don't want that. But I have a lump. It's hard, unmoving and about the size of ... well, in my mind, a bowling ball, but that's probably incorrect. You see, it's 4am and I've not been to sleep yet. I got about two hours of sleep last night and less the night before. My doctor gave me pills to help me sleep, though I've not taken them. Duh, I should. I don't like sleeping pills; I always feel sluggish the next day.

Anyway! Back to the lump. I've been feeling a tightening under my skin in my chest area the last few weeks and I figured it was just scar tissue. After researching mastectomy scar tissue online, I now doubt very much that's what it is. It's been seven months since my mastectomy...there shouldn't be any new scar tissue forming. Ok, so what is it? I don't know. I could have asked the doctor about it on Friday, but I was too scared. This is my first mention of it at all. I haven't even told Tom.

Let me see if i can describe what is going on in my head... Try to imagine walking through the jungle and believing there are spiders everywhere. Now even if you're not scared of spiders, you've been told there's a chance one is going to jump out and bite you. You've been bitten before and you know how painful it is. You know that if you get bitten again what happens to your life - you create a domino effect - it's almost as if that spider's poison is passed on from one person to the next. Oh, and not just any people either! Heavens, no. Your spider bite affects the lives of all the people you love. You need to keep walking, but you are jumpy and fretting the whole time. Right now I'm frozen in one place, because I'm too scared to keep going.

Writing about this lump made it real. Come sun up I'll call Dr Young. Let's have her pat me on the arm and send me home with a "trust me, it's nothing".


  1. Hope you have a good response from your doc. I had lumps after my breast cancer and they turned out to be scar tissue from the drains. Sending good vibes your way.

  2. Please Sheri, get it checked out right away. If you already have today I hope it was good news. Please make sure you post what is going on. A lot of us follow each others blogs and get worried when we hear things like this.

  3. As always I'll be praying for you!
    Valerie s.

  4. Sheesh Sheri.
    My 'net was out. Where was I when I coulda/shoulda been here with brilliant words of love and comfort?
    Well, you got good news from your doctor.
    Thank God.
    I know the worrying could've made you crazy.
    I hope now you can rest. xo

  5. Good similie, I totaly get you! I read on Face Book last night that everything was ok so I hope I am right x

  6. Good post! I could really relate. And I've always hated spiders, even before I read this. ... Hope you're doing well!

  7. Dear Sheri
    I have been in and out of circulation after my Taxotere treatments.Most of the time in hospital....
    Please update and let us know how you are.....
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  8. Sheri,
    Followed the link from your old blog. I hope that you had favourable results from tests - let us know if you can.

  9. I hope you did see your doctor and I really hope it is nothing. But if it is something, then you need to take action now and get started on treatment. Please take care. You did an excellent job of describing what's going on in your mind, and I can imagine that I would be feeling just the same way.